Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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