My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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