I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
