Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Naked. naked and bneed help.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
