Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize