I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
