I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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