I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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