She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
