Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
