So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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