you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
