Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize