taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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