I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
