areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
