super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
