i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You did what with his pubic hair?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
