i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
