Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
