Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
