Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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