how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
