I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
