Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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