The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
