to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
