Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
