The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
