And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
