I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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