singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
