i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize