You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
