There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize