so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
