get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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