Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
