Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
