There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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