Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
