CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I cut my penus on the lid.
This house was built for laser tag.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
