what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
