We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
