I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize