Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
