we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
