so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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