I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize