Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
