Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
