i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize