fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
