I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize