Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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