dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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