Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
