i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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