Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
