There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
