You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
