YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
