peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
