Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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