I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
