i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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