I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
