JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
