real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
