So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
