Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
