So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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